The Death of My Daughter and the Riches of Redemption
Six and a half years ago, I lost my first and only daughter. To this day, typing those words still feels surreal to me. Although I’ve told her story a thousand times and her name leaves my lips every day, it’s still hard to grapple with the reality that I am currently separated from my daughter.
On October 22, 2014, our sweet Bridget Faith went to be with Jesus at twenty-four weeks gestation in my first pregnancy. Before her stillbirth, I spent eleven weeks on bed rest due to bleeding from a subchorionic hemorrhage.
Those weeks on bed rest were some of the darkest days of my life. I prayed so hard that God would perform a miracle and heal the hemorrhage so that she could grow healthy and strong. However, week after week, appointment after appointment, the doctors continued to give us disheartening reports:
The hemorrhage was growing larger. It was behind the placenta, cutting off critical nutrients to the umbilical cord. Bridget was becoming growth restricted and measuring further and further behind. I laid in bed and cried out to God, feeling that He had abandoned me. Why wasn’t He answering my prayers? Why was He allowing this to happen to my daughter?
It was during these bleak weeks that God was working behind the scenes even when I couldn’t see it. Looking back now, I realize that His silence did not mean He wasn’t there. It just meant that He was up to something that I couldn’t understand at the time. A week before Bridget was born, I was hospitalized due to increased bleeding. The doctors warned us that labor could happen soon and that she’d likely be born too small to intervene and save her life.
When my mom heard this news, she went home and started knitting a small blanket for Bridget. She wanted to have something to give to her first grandchild. However, after making the blanket, she wondered how she could possibly hold such a tiny baby in it. So, God gave her the idea to knit the sides up and turn it into a cradle.
Made of mint green yarn, that little cradle changed our lives forever. When Bridget was born, she weighed only thirteen ounces. We held her in the cradle and loved on her for the twenty-four hours we had with her. Being able to bond with her in the cradle gave us unexpected peace and comfort in the midst of our heartbreak. I was drowning in sorrow and wondered how I was going to survive without my baby girl.
Where are you, God?
Have you ever felt abandoned by God? Have you ever questioned where He was when you needed Him the most? If you’ve been through a loss or a difficult trial and can resonate with these questions, you’re not alone. When grieving, it’s normal for doubts to rise to the surface. It’s common to wrestle with your faith: Why me? What did I do to deserve this? God, why are You letting this happen to me? How could You be a good God and let me suffer?
We are human. Suffering is uncomfortable because we do not like to feel pain. We want out of hardship as soon as possible. When we are amid heartbreak, we can’t see the good that could come from it—how it is that light and momentary trials pale in comparison to the eternal glory we will receive in Heaven (2 Corinthians 4:17, NIV)?
The deep waves of grief pulled me under the surface and drew me into close intimacy with God. It was here, drowning in the sea of my pain and agony, that I discovered who God really was (and who He continues to be). He was my anchor, my rock and fortress, my firm foundation. When I had no strength of my own, He lifted me out of the pit of destruction (Psalm 40:2). He set my feet on solid ground.
I have found that it is in the valleys of life that we learn to truly walk with our Savior. It’s here, in the trenches of life, that we depend on Him for our every breath. His rod and staff comfort us (Psalm 23:4). He guides our steps and brings us out of the valley. During my time walking with Jesus through my grief, I learned to trust His character. I studied His Word and grew to know Him in a way I had never known Him before.
What I Learned About God’s Character
God is good.
“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; He knows those who take refuge in Him.” -Nahum 1:7
One of the hardest parts of suffering is reconciling that a good God could allow bad things to happen. When we see unspeakable tragedies, both personal and global, we wonder how God could sit on His throne and watch it unfold without intervening. We wonder: If He is all-powerful, why doesn't He jump in and stop it? Miscarriage, stillbirth, pandemics, genocides, child abuse, murder, cancer, and wars. It all seems unfathomable that He could stand idly by and allow it.
As Christians, we know the expected answer and reasoning for why these horrors exist. It is because of the Fall. When sin entered the world, God’s perfect creation became corrupted by death and evil. But if you're a deep thinker like me, you take it back a question further. Why did God allow sin to enter the world in the first place?
It’s a profound theological question that I won't pretend to know the complete answer to (nor can any human—remember His ways are higher than ours, and we can't fully comprehend Him). Many theologians surmise that to taste and see His goodness, the antithesis of good must also exist. In other words, how would you know He is good without comparing Him to the opposite? Perhaps God allowed sin to enter the world so that we could see His love and mercy on display (see Romans 11:32). The Bible is the redemption story of His creation. All of His covenants point to the fulfillment of His redemption plan through Jesus. All of His story has been written for His glory so that we would see His good and faithful character.
If we believe that the Bible is the authoritative and inerrant Word of God (which I do), then we must believe that God is good. Scripture is full of verses about His goodness, and this means that He must also have had a good reason to allow sin to enter the world in the first place. Though we may not fully understand His ways, we can trust His good nature.
Whatever you are going through, rest in God’s goodness. Instead of questioning Him, trust Him. Bring Him your pain and sadness, and let Him comfort you. Jesus held me through my grieving and remained close to my broken heart. He reminded me that though the world is broken right now, He will ultimately be victorious over sin, evil, and death. All will be made right one day because He is good.
Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever!"
-1 Chronicles 16:34
Additional verses on God’s goodness: Psalm 34:8, Psalm 145:9.
God never changes.
According to Hebrews 13:8, we know that Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. He is immutable, which means He never changes. He is always the same (even when our perspective of Him changes). Circumstances cannot change Him. And this means that all of the attributes of God (such as His goodness) never change either. God is good all the time.
This fact helped me understand that God wasn’t punishing me, and He hadn’t abandoned me. He stayed the same before, during, and after I lost Bridget. Understanding this helped me to trust Him. He was always going to be exactly who He said He was. He would never leave or forsake me. And He will never leave or forsake you either, no matter what you're going through. He loves you, and He is for you.
Additional verses on God’s immutability: James 1:17, Numbers 23:19.
God is sovereign.
“The Lord has established His throne in the heavens, and His kingdom rules over all.” -Psalm 103:19
God has ultimate power and authority over all of His creation. He has infinite wisdom and knowledge. He is the Lord of Lords and the King of Kings.
In choosing to trust in His sovereignty, I believe that Bridget fulfilled her life as He intended. It is God who numbers our days (Psalm 139:16) and knows the day and hour when we will be welcomed Home into His glory. It is He who counts the number of hairs on our head (Luke 12:7) and calls us by name. We, out of all of His creation, are His most prized possession (James 1:18). My precious daughter lived the exact number of days that God had planned for her to live since before the creation of the world.
God’s sovereignty gives me peace. This truth of his character helps when my human mind grieves the child I thought she should be right now. As much as my momma heart wallows in the what-ifs and should-have-beens (“She should be six years old”), I am choosing to believe that she already lived the life that she was meant to live. And although she never took a breath on this earth, her short life (and mine) is but a vapor in comparison to the eternity that we will one day spend together.
Additional verses on God’s sovereignty: 1 Chronicles 29:11-12, Job 42:2, Proverbs 16:9, Proverbs 19:21, Romans 8:28.
God is faithful.
“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.” -Hebrews 10:23
Walking with God through pain has shown me His faithfulness. When I surrendered my suffering to Him, He used my grief for good. He is the God who brings beauty from ashes and uses what the enemy meant for evil for good (for His ultimate glory). He is the God of redemption. He is faithful to His promises.
To finish the story of the little cradle that my mom made for Bridget: God called our family to start a nonprofit ministry in her memory that now comforts thousands of grieving families across the country. Bridget’s Cradles donates knit and crocheted cradles to hold babies born into Heaven to over 1,050 hospitals in all 50 states. Also, I have the honor of leading Christ-centered support groups with women grieving the loss of their baby.
In living out this calling God has given me, I have found joy and purpose. He has healed my broken heart because He brought me nearer to His heart. Jesus is my living hope—my Redeemer and Savior.
Oh Lord, thank You for the gift of Your salvation. You are everything to me. Without You, I have no hope. Apart from You, I am nothing. I have nothing. Thank You for the hope that I will get to spend forever in Heaven with my daughter. Thank You for dying on the cross so that we could be saved. You overcame the grave so that we could live. One day You will make everything right and wipe away all of our tears. You will bring Heaven down to earth, and we will dwell with You. You are good, and You are faithful. I love You. Amen.
Additional verses on God’s faithfulness: Psalm 33:4, 2 Thessalonians 3:3, 1 Corinthians 1:9.
Head: What is the gospel truth take-away from this blog? [Learn Truth]
God is good, and He never changes. He is sovereign and faithful.
Heart: How are affections for God strengthened? [Love God]
Because He is good and faithful, we can trust Him. We can lean on Him through grief, loss, and the trials of this life. He is our Father who longs to comfort us and walk with us through our pain. He is worthy of our love and praise for what He has done for us.
Hands: What does action look like as a result [Live Transformed]
We can surrender our suffering to Him and allow Him to use our grief for good. We can walk in the freedom of His salvation. He promises us eternal life with Him and our babies in Heaven. We do not have to grieve without hope. This hope changes our perspective of death and allows us to live transformed for the rest of our time on earth.
Ashley Opliger is the President and Executive Director of Bridget's Cradles, a 501c3 nonprofit organization based in Wichita, Kansas. Bridget's Cradles donates cradles to over 1,050 hospitals in all 50 states and comforts over 26,000 bereaved families a year. She also leads monthly Christ-centered support groups for grieving mothers and organizes remembrance events for bereaved families.
Ashley is married to Matt, and they have three children: Bridget (in Heaven) and two sons, Branton and Brenner. She is a fully-devoted follower of Christ who desires for women to find faith to embrace a beautiful broken life.
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