When Hosting Isn't Hospitality

Christmas parties, holiday dinners, gift exchanges. Tis the season for all that’s merry and bright. And of course, this year looks differently with pandemic restrictions. So as we continue this advent season filled with Christmas trees, festive decorations, and hot cocoa with our “masked up” friends and family, how can we view hospitality in the light of the gospel?

Maybe it’s because I’m from Texas. Maybe it’s because I appreciate being the guest as well as the host. Or maybe it’s because God has hard-wired me (and all of us) to love people well and to serve them earnestly—to be hospitable. 

For those of you who are finishing up a Bible reading plan for 2020, how many times have you seen hospitality mentioned from Genesis through Revelation? While neither the Old Testament nor the New Testament have explicit, extensive teaching on hospitality, the gospel does compel us to generous hospitality. 

Earnest love isn’t easy.

In his first letter, Peter lays the hammer down on what stewardship means in light of God’s grace. In 1 Peter 4:8, Peter writes “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” The apostle wants us to know of the supreme importance of this virtue in the Christian life, and thus, he says “above all.” 

But if we’re honest, we can skim over this verse with the arrogance that we love God and love his people. Don’t worry, we all know it’s not that easy. And Peter doesn’t do us any favors here. He calls us to love “earnestly” which denotes a straining and exerting of maximum effort. Think marathon for all the runners out there. And just in case you’re wondering, this is a reminder from 1 Peter 1:22 where Peter uses the same phrase to encourage us to love one another earnestly. 

Earnest love is enduring love. This kind of love points to the love of King Jesus on the cross who earnestly loved us with both joy and endurance (Hebrews 12:1-2). We are called to a love that is not simply sentimental but sacrificial. Earnest love stretches us and does not simply satisfy us.

Now, why does Peter call us to love one another earnestly? For those of you who are parents, why are you called to love your children earnestly even when “it’s been a day”, you’re tired, and toddlers are being toddlers? We earnestly love because “love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). Now how does love cover a multitude of sins? Not simply by excusing them, overlooking them, or minimizing them. We love because we have first been loved (1 John 4:19). The gospel frees us to earnestly love those who are difficult to love in the moment: the chatty neighbor, the surprise drop-by visitor, and yes, the needy toddler.

Gospel hospitality isn’t easy.

Peter continues this encouragement in verse 9, “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling” (1 Peter 4:9). We are called to love earnestly—to show hospitality without grumbling. So the expectation is to be hospitable, and yet it’s qualified by “without grumbling.” As you’re reading this, think about the Christmas party you just hosted or the holiday dinner with your neighbors. Were you hospitable without grumbling? Or were you hospitable when your guests arrived but complained beforehand and afterwards? If it's the latter, you’re probably not alone.

Hospitality extends beyond the act of serving to the attitude in service. Gospel hospitality isn’t simply about what we do, but rather why we do what we do. Gospel hospitality beckons a heart of generosity and gratitude rather than a posture of pride and performance. 

Your beautiful hosting might not be biblical hospitality.

And yet, let’s be honest. Hospitality is often costly and usually inconvenient. Whether we are cooking or cleaning (or both), hospitality impacts our schedules, our comforts, and our wallets. We might begrudgingly run around our house with final orders to the children and husband only to answer the doorbell of family and friends with a joyful smile and say, “Merry Christmas!” 

Do you see how the world’s concept of hospitality is not hospitality? It is entertaining. Entertaining is about me. Hospitality is not about me. Entertaining wins if everyone at church expresses that I hosted an amazing women’s gathering and had every decorative holiday throw pillow in place. Hospitality wins when people are loved earnestly. Gospel hospitality holds the gospel as the motive and God’s people as the focus. Entertaining holds people’s approval as the motive and the host as the focus.

Friends, we have been invited to a table that we should have never been invited to—salvation. This gospel invitation beckons a feast greater than any holiday spread we will partake in this Christmas season. Gospel hospitality is a faithful offering to others with what has been offered to us as a gift. We can either make it all about us as the host or make it about the Lord and his people. I don’t know about you, but gospel hospitality sounds much more restful and fruitful than simply hosting and entertaining.

You don’t get a pass on hospitality this season.

But why does how we host a Christmas gift exchange or festive dinner with friends matter? The way we serve others has outward implications. Peter reminds us in 1 Peter 4:10, “As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.” Now before you think you have a pass because you don’t have the gift of hospitality, check out verse 11 for a list of gifts. Also, read Romans 12:3-8 and 1 Corinthians 12:4-11 where Paul explains spiritual gifts. 

Peter doesn’t say, “if you have the gift of hospitality, then use that gift without grumbling.” We are all called to hospitality—to gospel hospitality. While some of us might not have a pinterest board, we are all called to walk in hospitality.

Now how do we do this? God doesn’t ask us to be hospitable without helping us be hospitable. Peter reminds us that God has given us the Spirit, so that we might serve “...by the strength that God supplies” (1 Peter 4:11). 

When we hosted a small group at our house every Monday night, I couldn't even count how many evenings at about 6 pm before anyone arrived, that I would have a meltdown of anxiety, of grumbling, of pride. I was more concerned with how our house looked and how the refreshments were arranged than I was about those coming into our home. Performance and approval trumped any sense of sincere earnest love and service. But, by God’s grace and with the help of his Spirit, Mondays were also often a delight, of gospel hospitality without grumbling. 

Hospitality done in our flesh and by our strength always leaves us empty and exhausted. Gospel hospitality done by the power of the Spirit often leaves us refreshed and rested.

The “Win” for Hospitality.

The goal of gospel hospitality is the glory of God—not us. The goal of hosting and entertaining is the glory of man—us. Paul concludes this passage with his encouragement for us to be good stewards in how we serve one another “...in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen” (1 Peter 4:11). Peter ends this passage with this doxology to remind us that our kingdom service is an expression of praise and glory to God. 

This Christmas season, we can either make it about us with our festive decor and our fancy dinners, or we can make it about God and his people. We adore King Jesus all the more as we love one another earnestly. We show others the generosity of the gospel by our gospel hospitality. So maybe don’t fluff the pillows or maybe do. Go all out on your festive dinner spread or maybe just order a pizza. And most importantly, do all as you remember that all is calm, all is bright.